A Personal Reflection

I've always had fairly strong convictions about lots of things. Especially the big things like sex-before-marriage, contraception, drinking alcohol, etc.

As I've gotten older my convictions on all of those things have changed and rearranged and taken precedence and taken less importance... but I've always had some sort of conviction about them.

Today's blog is about sex. Prepare yourself.

I don't understand these itty bitty youngsters that are having sex. I don't think I even knew what sex was at the age of 11 or less... and there's no way I was considering participating in it by that age even if I knew what it was. And it makes me wonder why these kids are engaging in sex so early? And what made me be NOTHING like those kids?

I don't remember ever having any serious sit down talks with my parents about how sex was sacred or sex was for marriage. And CCD back in the day surely wasn't explicit enough to discuss the importance of sex. Maybe I was just naive... or maybe I was just lucky enough to grow up in a guarded environment that kept me that way for a long time.

But even once I knew what sex was... and even once I was a senior in high school with a very serious (or as "serious" as you can really be in high school) boyfriend, sex was still not something I would have even considered. It wasn't an option for me. Where did I get that? And how do I give that to my daughter?

Now... college was a different story. Living with three sorority girls my freshman year opened my eyes or rather ears to a whole lot of things that I had never really even heard girls talk about before. As far as I knew at that time, pretty much all of my high school gal pals were still virgins or were at least pretending to be that way around me. And the naivety started to peel off a bit. And that's when I had to start thinking harder about WHY I wasn't going to have sex until I was married and WHY it was something that was important to me.

And then about my Sophomore year I came up with a metaphor that helped me sort things out a bit. To me sex was like a Ocean to someone who really loved the water. As a young person, you start out in the middle of the island...and you may encounter a puddle or two of water... maybe a small fishing pond... eventually a lake... but the closer you get to the coastline... the farther from the center of the island you walk, the harder it gets to turn around. And once you've reached the Ocean... there's no turning back. You've seen it. You've swam in it. Your first experience with the Ocean, good or bad, is something you will live with forever. And I wasn't ready to dive in.

Was I tempted? Yes. Did I get myself into relationships and situations that could have easily ended at the Ocean? Yes. Did I push my boundaries farther than I thought I ever would? Yes... but always... ALWAYS... by the grace of God, I remembered my metaphor, and I stopped. Because in my eyes the Ocean was the end all-be all. It was the perfection of what water could truly be... it was the beauty that I only wanted to share with one person. And even if I was 99.99% sure I was with that person... I wouldn't go to the Ocean until I was 100% sure.

I guess the moral of this story and perhaps the whole point of hashing these things out is to share and reflect on how incredibly grateful I am that I waited. Knowing that I've shared something with Andrew and he with me in a covenant relationship with no guilt, no regrets, and no disappointment is one of the greatest feelings in the world, and it's a feeling that I would not trade for anything else. Thanks be to God for being with me for 26 years and leading me to the man that I could finally share my whole self with.




“The human body includes right from the beginning…the capacity of expressing love, that love in which the person becomes a gift – and by means of this gift – fulfills the meaning of his being and existence.”
(Pope John Paul II, Theology Of the Body, Jan 16, 1980)

This is why I love my husband...

(and, Yes, he did give me permission to post this. Though I haven't a clue why.)

Hair Brained Ideas

My brother Tom told me a few years ago that I was always having hair-brained ideas when I was a youngster. I thought they were creative and fun... and thus I shall take the days when I have nothing to blog to elaborate on some of them.

Hair Brained Idea #1

Age: 10 or 11
Grade: 5th

Early in my elementary days, I was always being forced to go to my big brother's basketball games. I had no idea that basketball could be interesting and I was much more into girly things like barbies and kittens and dancing. So my highlight of their basketball games was watching the High School Dance Team (The Indianettes) perform at half time.

Because I so enjoyed watching the dance team... I decided I would create one of my own to perform in our music class's annual talent show. So I rustled up my great friends... I think that first year it was Kay, Chrissy, Erin, and Katie maybe... and we performed to the song "Lollipop" in front of our whole class. We all wore our D.A.R.E. t-shirts so we would match. And boy were we dorky and cute.

Just to let you know... this small hair-brained idea eventually turned into a bigger hair brained idea named- "Infinity"- a dance group of 5 to 7 fairly unpopular girls that practiced together (at the Andale City Tennis Court) for most of junior high... but that's for later blogs.

I Want to Hold Your Hand...

Last weekend after dinner with my parents on Saturday evening, Andrew and I had Mom and Dad drop us off at the grocery store so we could run in and get things for breakfast Sunday morning. Grandma and Grandpa were kind enough to stay in the car with Mia, so Andrew and I could make a quick round in the store.

And it was strange.

I walked into the supermarket with my husband but without my baby, and we held hands... and it was like this sudden awakening that "Wow... it's so rare that we are alone together anymore."

Just the simple act of Andrew grabbing my hand made me remember how much I love and need him. (It's not that I'd really forgotten that-- but it seems we spend so much time playing with Mia and carting her from here to there, and just being parents... that we sometimes forget to just be our regular lovey dovey selves.)

And, frankly, it was neat.

I never realized that holding my husband's hand while walking through the grocery store could be such a powerful experience.

Now Andrew has decided that this Friday evening will be date night for us... so YEAY!! An evening out w/o my little one will be great (though I always miss her when she's not there)!

Bugs on a Windshield

Sometimes you're the bug.

Sometimes you're the windshield.

Either way... it's a pretty bad day all around.


This message has been brought to you by Kristi wishing days not filled with windshields or bugs.

Simplicity yields joy?

First off... where did Nov. 4th go? Yesterday went SOOOO quickly, that I must say I have failed at NABLOPOMO already. Oh well.. such is life. I shall start anew today.

We actually had a very busy weekend. We went to visit Ma & Pa Friday and Saturday and yesterday we headed to Hillsboro for a 40th Birthday Party with a bunch of crazy Mennonites. (does that seem like an oxymoron to anyone else?)

All of that is actually an aside, because spending the afternoon with about 30 conservative mennonites made me think a lot. Life as they live it seems simpler to me.

Their world is full of so fewer distractions than ours. And their community is much stronger. No TV. No radio. No internet. All of those things yields a LOT more time for visiting and bonding. (It also leaves a lot of room for idle chatter and gossip... which is something I'm sure they must struggle with... but I think the pros must outweigh the cons.)

You know, I experienced that in the Daisy House too. We never had a TV in our main living room, and that is where we spent MOST of our time. And the friendships that we built when there wasn't something distracting all of us from each other are priceless.

I don't know. I just wonder if our world would have a greater sense of community if we didn't spend so many mindless hours in front of the tv. I can attest to the fact that I get a whole lot more stuff done when the TV is off. I also find conversations with Andrew a lot more fruitful when the TV isn't on. It seems my husband is incapable of multitasking other than to say he agrees even if he has no clue what I've asked him. Hee hee...

Food for thought I guess. Could you go a week without any TV at all?

OOT

Well, in the spirit of Nablopomo, I've got to put something here... but we're OUT OF TOWN this weekend, so this is all I've got. Continue discussing on Friday's blog if you wish.