Thursday, November 20, 2003

Define "Date"

What is a "date" anyways? I mean... if it's just a guy and a girl hanging out together, then I've been on tons of dates in the past few months. But there's got to be something more.

I mean.. even if I HAD the courage to ask a certain awesome guy (CAG, for short) on a "date"... how am I supposed to let him know that it is a "date"?... If I ask him to a movie, he may very well assume that we're just "hanging out" like we always do.

What makes a date a DATE?

And in the words of a great movie: "You want answers?"
"I think I'm entitled to them."
"You want answers?"
"I WANT THE TRUTH!!"
"You Can't HANDLE the TRUTH!!!"

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Flying without Wings

No... I am not speaking of the for-a-minute popularity of Ruben Studdard and his song. I am speaking of the event that I partook in last evening.

So remember how I said good bye to a certain boy a few blogs back? Yeah... well... HELLO AGAIN!

Last night, Ryan took me to the flight simulator at Flight Safety, Inc. He works there and helps pilots train to fly jets, so I got to go into the Beechjet flight simulator. Apparently for 2 weeks training in this uberly awesome contraption, a person pays like 23,000 dollars... so I'm quite a lucky girl (or so Ryan says).

We flew from Aspen to Denver at dusk in this giant million-dollar video game and it TOTALLY rocked. I got to take off and land, and once, Ryan even crashed the plane so I could feel what it was like to crash. It was so cool and totally took my mind off the rest of life for a few hours.

Plus, I'm not so scared of flying anymore, because I feel like I've been a pilot.

**In other news**
Interview yesterday was alright.. but nothing to write home about (or to blog about for that matter.)
I have another job interview tomorrow (but it's with another SMALL ad agency) and I'm not sure I want to go down that road again.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

The REST of the story...

Right, so, as most of you know, the reason I was able to put an entry on this blog everyday is because my job pretty much consisted of answering the phone 3 times day and staring at the wall. I wanted to do more, but my boss just didn't train me to do more quickly enough.

Yesterday morning, as I arrived to work, Laura (my boss) called me into her office. She said (with a somewhat disgruntled and melancholy look on her face) "I just don't have enough work for you." I stared blankly as though I did not understand (getting fired isn't something that I'm exactly used to hearing.) I was like "So... you don't have to give me notice or anything?" (yes, I AM naive and people CAN take advantage of me.) She shook her head no.

And with that, I am jobless. But to be quite honest, as much as I liked the idea of Amaroq, it wasn't exactly the dream job. I hated sitting there and doing nothing for hours on end. I hated not having any contact with humans except 2 or 3 times a day. I hated not feeling like I was a help to the company at all (although Laura assured many times throughout the 4 months that I was there, that I really was helping her a lot even though I didn't feel like I was.)... I'm not so sure what happened to those sentiments yesterday.

Nevertheless, Laura gave me a few job leads, and I have an interview at 3 o'clock today at one of the local television stations. We'll see what happens. I don't want to be in media much longer, but the economy is too bad right now for me to turn anything down. So say a little prayer that I remember the interviewing skills that I perfected this summer in my two months of massive job searching, and let's hope that God will let me find another job in which I'm at least doing something useful for Him.

Monday, November 17, 2003

The #1 WAY

And the NUMBER 1 way to get the girl that has a crush on you to be EXTREMELY angry with you and consider stop liking you...

Make her feel even worse about the fact that she lost her job by saying "I would probably drive my car into a brick wall if that happened to me."

Goodbye Crush Ryan (at least for now)... Goodbye Amaroq (probably forever)...

Hello to the NEXT ERA of my life.

Friday, November 14, 2003

In case I don't make it

So there's a little rumor roaming between mine and my roomies apartment and the apartment above, that those silly boys up there (who are pilots) would like to FLY us to Hutchinson on Sunday to watch the new IMAX movie on flight at the Cosmosphere. I'm quite afraid of flying. Like SERIOUSLY afraid. So if y'all could just say a little prayer that we survive the 20 minute flight, that'd be super de duper.

Since I'm not much one for blogging on weekends, I would like to bid you all a FABULOUS next 2 days. Have lots of fun, laugh for hours, and don't get yourself into any major trouble.

**The Answers to the Hopefully Romantic Quiz**
Congrats to Weathergirl for being a very awesome roommate and getting the correct answer. All 5 of the answers actually occurred in my lifetime. There were 4 boys that contributed to these dreamy events in my life, and I'd like them to know that I smile each time I reflect on their sweet acting ways of yore. I think that maybe only one of them actually reads this blog, though, so OH WELL. And to Joe, my loving older brother, you must have lucked out in hearing my "sappy, syrupy tooth rotting stories" because you were far away in another state. But do not worry your curly haired head about it... I can elaborate over Thanksgiving if you're lucky!

Thursday, November 13, 2003

I'm a Hopeful Romantic

Most would call it a "hopeless romantic," but I have not lost hope in you men.

Why did I end up so smitten for anything emotional? Well... I think it's because throughout my childhood I dreamed of my prince charming. I dreamed of those perfectly romantic moments that every girl experiences (or so I imagined) and I could not wait for them to happen to me. The benefits of being a hopeful romantic is that I somehow have the gift of bringing out the romanticism hidden deep within boys. In some cases, my life has felt almost movie-like, and it has been an awesome experience.

Here's a game for you to play. I'm gonna name 5 moments that may or may not have happened to me in my lifetime. It is up to you to decide if these were actual occurences or figments of my imagination. It's kind of like that game where you have to say 2 truths and a lie about yourself, and everyone has to pick out the lie. Well here you are... Did these romantic moments actually happen to me or have I just drummed them up for your entertainment?

1) Truth or fiction? - My first kiss ever occured in a tiny park, on a wooden park bench, underneath a very bright moon that was hidden behind some hovering clouds. The boy put his finger on my chin, turned my face towards his, and kissed me. It was the perfect first kiss.

2) Truth or fiction? - In a span of 2 years, I recieved over 25 roses plus at least one other bouquet of flowers from the same guy. He had one dozen pink roses delivered to my house once, just because I had had an awful day and was crying when school got over.

3) Truth or fiction? - On the Eve of Thanksgiving one year, I spent 4 hours in the middle of a pasture bundled up in layers and layers of clothing sitting on a blanket next to my amazing boyfriend talking about our past, our present, and our futures. The sky was full of twinkling winter stars, and the brisk wind blew just enough to make the long grass russle all around us.

4) Truth or fiction? - One good guy-friend of mine drove me out to a gazebo located on the edge of El Dorado Lake. All day we had discussed how we were going to play a joke on two of our friends and tell them we were engaged. Once we arrived to the lake, said boy took my hand and led me out onto the gazebo. His twinkling eyes looked straight into mine and he said "Will you marry me?" (offering me a fake, but kinda real looking ring from WalMart.) He did the actual proposal because he didn't want me to have to straight up lie to our friends.

5) Truth or fiction? - A guy once tried to woo me by turning on the 80's song "Make me lose control," and dancing with me in the middle of his dorm room. I had only come over to say hello... but he had been planning the moment for quite some time.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Platonic Relationships

The dictionary definition of Platonic love is as follows: a pure, spiritual affection, subsisting between persons of opposite sex, unmixed with carnal desires, and regarding the mind only and its excellences; -- a species of love for which Plato was a warm advocate.

My feelings on this concept are as such...

I can honestly say that I have very RARELY had a completely platonic relationship with a male. No matter how many guy friends I have had in my life, at one point or another, I liked them more than just "Platonically." That is not to say that I do not believe in Platonic love. However, I think that being STRICTLY friends with males is MUCH more difficult that being friends with females.

Attraction is based on so many things that I don't quite understand how anyone of the opposite sex can LOVE you only as a friend unless or until one or more of the following conditions are met:

1) You've attempted dating. It does not work.
2) One or both of you are engaged in relationships with OTHER people.
3) You've realized that the "friend" would never return your interest romantically. (although I cannot explain this one cuz in my world, being best friends with someone is very closely related to romantically loving them.)
4) One or both of you have severe disfiguring marks.
5) You or your friend previously dated another friend (potentially a mutual one) and loving eachother any other way than Platonically would just feel weird.
6) Some other stupid reason. :)

Anyways.. my point is that being JUST friends with a person of the opposite sex is not an easy thing to do. It is a great thing to have, but not always an easy thing to obtain and retain. Romantic feelings are bound to get in the way (especially if you're a girl... or perhaps especially if you're ME).

And this brings me to my final conclusion and confession:
So to all the boys I've loved before (and some that I still love now)... if you think that no one has ever "liked you like that," you're wrong. Because if I've ever spent any time talking to you and you think we are friends... then I'm sure at one point or another I have had a least a small crush on you.

Ah.. I feel so much better getting that off my chest (okay.. it really wasn't weighing me down at all.. but it was fun to write about!!)

An update on the Saga of my Life

Mmmkay... so last evening, I got a chance to talk to the roommate of the object of my affection. My main question for him was "What did you mean last night when you said something about Ryan being interested in me? Was that a joke? or partly true? Or what?" (I said this very sheepishly and embarrassed like.. for I knew it was quite a silly thing to ask.)

Mike (the roommate of Ryan) basically told me he has no clue what Ryan thinks, and he preceded to ask me if I had a crush on Ryan... which I eventually admitted that I did. Mike spent much of the evening trying to give me reasons not to like him and also bringing up how awkward it would be if I talked to him and things got weird.

Now, we must keep in mind that Mike and Ryan are very different people. So just cuz Mike thinks that it would be weird, doesn't mean that Ryan does. But I did get the impression from Mike that like every girl and their dog is in love with Ryan, which makes me think that my chances of actually dating him are even slimmer than I once imagined.

So my next move is either to give up completely on this crush, or live with it but not worry about anything happening. My friends say it's time to stop obsessing (although they are too nice to use that word.) I agree that it is time to stop stressing about the whole situation.

I sort of hope that even though Mike said he would not say anything, that something will slip, and maybe Ryan will at least give me a clue one way or another what to think.

*** In other matters ***

The having of the aforementioned conversation brought me to a conclusion:

All of you wonderful people who hear my stories of Ryan and assume that he must like me are only hearing my interpretations of Ryan's actions. Obviously you will think he might like me from my stories.. because whether I want them to be or not, they are biased. I cannot tell you how he is thinking cuz I do not know, so I craft my stories of him with an idea of what he MIGHT be thinking, and thus his actions come out much more slanted than they may have been intended to come out.

Monday, November 10, 2003

Please, just make it STOP

I can't take it anymore. Sitting around and dreaming about a stupid boy asking me out is SO not my bag. I'm sick of it. I don't understand his advances (if that is what they are). I don't understand his roommate's comments about him being interested in me (is it a joke or truth in disguise?). Boys are NOT supposed to be coded. They are NOT supposed to be confusing. They are NOT supposed to be able to frustrate me this much.

If he doesn't like me, then I think it's time that I find that out. I don't particularly want to be a 7th grader about the whole thing and have a friend of a friend ask him... but I'm too scared to breach the subject on my own. What the heck am I supposed to say? I've decided that I don't want to ask him on a date because I don't want to be the lead in a relationship... that is the job of the guy and I think the guy should do it. I refuse to take control.

Why can't I just act like a 22 year old and bite the bullet and talk to him???!!!!

Any suggestions, friends?

Thursday, November 06, 2003

A Step in the Right Direction

Yesterday, President Bush signed a bill that bans partial birth abortion. Finally, our grass-roots pro-life movement is having an effect on this world. Our society has legalized the murder of children for nearly 32 years now, and up until yesterday a woman was allowed to give birth to her baby in the 7th, 8th or even 9th month... and have it murdered. The only part of a child that isn't visible when it is given an injection to kill it, is its head. And there are people out there fighting to keep this legal.

Please join me in praying that the Executive Branch can stand firm and stop the injunctions that judges from at least 3 different states have started placing on the law. When pro-abortion advocates say that they support a woman's right to choose, they need to remember to add "a woman's right to choose to KILL her baby." Maybe then it wouldn't be so accepted. These tiny humans have no voice besides ours. We must show the world that the tiniest of human beings are STILL living human beings that deserve rights... especially the Right to Life.

**Addition**
Props to my awesome friend Liz for starting her own blog!!! I'm excited for you, sweetie!

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Furthermore...

I think I did not completely address the issues that were floating through my head yesterday. My main point was supposed to be that good guys do not HAVE to finish last. Most of my friends like to put themselves in this good guy category. They say that they always get screwed over. They say that women always go for the bad boys. They say that they are giving up on love because it feels as though love has given up on them.

That, my dear friends, is ridiculous. Good guys are JUST what this world needs. If we had more virtuous men out there who were out for more than just "a piece of a$$," maybe our divorce rate wouldn't be as astronomically high. If we had men who were willing to lift their friends, girlfriends, and eventually wives up to Godliness, then the entire society would be better off.

And don't get me wrong, women defiitely have some changin to do, as well. If the crazy gungho feminists had stopped while they were ahead, maybe they wouldn't have redefined a woman's entire role is society. Yes, I think it's fabulous that women now have equalish rights, but the fact that guys no longer have to open doors, that women no longer think they should be home with the children, that careers have become more important than raising a family - is NOT right.

Both of these topics deserve more time, but I'm curious to get comments, so I'm posting for now. I shall spend more time on this later. By the way - How do you like the new design of my weblog?

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

Good Guys Finish Last?

Um... Let's think about that.

Last night I watched the first episode of the newest reality show. It is called "Average Joe." The premise brings one beautiful woman and 20 average-looking guys to a mansion. She has to find her match from these men, but she had no idea that when she told the show she was looking MORE for personality, that they would throw her men that look like the ones she got. They vary in looks: some are overweight, some a very tall, some a very short, many are very nerdy... and a few really are just average looking men.

First of all, this show complete defies my idea of strata. In real life, this woman would not give these men a chance. She even said after first meeting them something like "If 90% of these men had approached me in a bar, I probably would have told them that I already had a boyfriend." She decided to give them a shot anyways (was it just to save face in front of a national audience?... perhaps. I guess we'll see as the show continues.)

Anyways, most of the men are enamored with this woman. I get the impression that few of them have dated anyone as attractive as she is, and perhaps some of them have not even dated at all. The thing that got me thinking was when one of the men said this in one of his personal commentaries: "I want to stay for this show and get a piece of that a**."

And HERE lies the problem with the "good guys finish last complex." Frequently, the "good guys" are looking at women who are FAR above their attractiveness level. And they are thinking about the physical rather than the spiritual and emotional connection that they can make with her. Now, I'd be all fine and dandy with one of these guys actually GETTING the hot girl, but I want them to realize that they need to like her for a LOT more than her beauty.

I also hope that they realize that there are MANY women out there who would give them a chance in real life. Average looking women are much more likely to date average looking guys. But average looking guys end up feeling discouraged because they always fall for women who are "hot" and they end up getting SHOT DOWN.

As one of my guy friends said to me last night..."Strata is so stupid--I always crush on girls wayyyy above my strata." And perhaps this is why you did not find true happiness in the girls you dated. Because the girls that WANT to treat you like the prince that you are, you won't date cuz they're "not your type."

Maybe I'm just bitter because we average-looking women get dubbed as "cute" or "just there"... when we have SO much to offer to the nice guys out there who think that they'll always finish last.

Monday, November 03, 2003

Can you beat this?

Because I'm getting no good suggestions from anyone on a topic. Today's topic of choice is "the worst date EVER." If you can beat this story with a worse date, I will hand the crown over to you.

MY FIRST and MY WORST DATE

I asked a guy from work to come to my Junior Prom with me. He said yes. I didn't talk to him for 3 weeks cuz I was scared. I called him the week of prom to make sure we were still on... and here's the rest of the story:

The Saturday of prom, I patiently waited for my date to arrive. Kay and Joel (friends that were going in our car) arrived. Mindy (Kay's older sister) arrived. My dad (who was at work) arrived. Still no Ryan. WAIT... we saw his giant white ghetto car flying down the dirt road. He passed the house... DOH!!!!

Mindy (in her 3 day old red Grand-Am) said "Hop in my car.. we'll go chase him down"... Ryan came back by and flew right past the driveway again. This time Mindy parked in the MIDDLE of the ROAD... Perpendicular to the ditch and blocked the roadway. I was like Mindy.. he's from the city.. he's not going to stop. Mindy.. he's coming too fast.. he isn't going to stop. Finally, Mindy realized that Ryan wasn't slowing down.. but it was TOO late.. cuz as she backed up.. he RAMMED into the front side of her car.

Chaos ensued. We called out the police to file an accident report. All the friends we were supposed to meet for dinner and church, nixed going without us and instead came over to watch the policewoman interview everyone. Ryan walked around saying "well.. it didn't hurt my car." Kay's family came out for the ruckus. Finally, an hour later, we could leave to go to Brandon's to get more pictures taken. Ryan and I got to Brandon's when Ryan mentioned that he had forgotten to get his after-prom change of clothes out of his car that was in my driveway. So we drove ANOTHER 15 miles back to my house to get them.

Finally got to dinner. It was one of those nice little places where they cook Japanese food right in front of you. Our lovely chef through a shrimp onto my plate... missed my plate.. it landed in my ginger sauce and splashed little brown specs onto the front of my baby blue dress.

We then had time to kill before prom. So we walked by the river downtown with our dates. Every guy offered his date his jacket cuz it was cold.. except mine. He finally did, but I refused. I wasn't in the best of moods.

Prom was okay. Danced a little. Made my friends dance with my date too so he wasn't too bored. Then came after-prom.

We got lost on the way to the party. Ryan and Joel and Kay made fun of me for forgetting the map.. but we finally arrived. We opened my trunk to get our bags out (so we could change clothes). Everything in my bag was SOAKED. Something in the trunk leaked on it. No one else had wet stuff, but all of my stuff was SOAKED. I hung out in the changing room for 20 minutes while we laid my stuff over fans. I ended up just wearing wet clothing. By the time I got out of the stupid locker room, I coudln't find my date anywhere. I signed up to karaoke with my friend nate, but then everyone told me that I needed to entertain my date.. so I didnt' even get to sing.

After after-prom, we all planned to go to early mroning Mass since we had missed it the night before. Ryan didn't want to go to church with us, so I had to drive him back to my house (30 minutes) away so he could get his car and go home. I made Kay ride with us. As we pulled into my driveway, Kay asked Ryan "did you have fun?" He said "no" and got out of the car. Yeah... no doubt it wasn't fun.

So that was my FIRST date and my WORST date. Beat it if you can.

On the upside.. a few days later, Ryan called to apologize for his attitude. That was nice. We never dated again though. :)