Satirical yet Poignant
“Plan B” also a Big Victory For Virile Men
by Chuck Weber
“Huzzah! What took so long?”
That’s the cry of triumph rising up from old guard feminists and their cheerleading allies in wake of the FDA’s decision last week to permit non-prescription, over-the-counter (OTC) sales of “emergency contraception,” otherwise known as “the Morning-after Pill,” otherwise known as “Plan B.”
This hard-fought, split decision is being hailed as an enormous conquest for abortion rights advocates who call it a “victory for women’s health.” University of Pennsylvania bioethicist Arthur Caplan—as loud a voice as any who never met a human embryo he couldn’t flush away—praised the decision while bellowing from the sidelines that key users will include “…women who were lured into having sex while drunk or under the influence of drugs.”
On this point, I think Caplan may be onto something. Just beyond the headlines another advocacy group is totally pumped up about this verdict—America’s legions of young, virile men. If you listen closely, the giddy cheer rising up from broadly smiling, beer-fisted men raising their glasses at sports bars across the country is simple and straightforward:
What’s not to like? Easy access to Plan B makes drafting new sex partners even easier for sex-starved guys on the prowl. No longer do men need whisper those all-too-familiar words at the height of passionate playtime: “do you have protection?” This super-sized cocktail of synthetic hormones puts the burden of consequences squarely on the shoulders (or should I say ovaries?) of women. Plan B is the perfect game plan!
With no muss and no fuss, “the morning after” is little more than a distant memory, except when it comes time to reliving highlights of last night’s exploits with the gang ala Sports Center. Widely available OTC access to Plan B for everyone 18 years or older—yes, men too--is an especially delicious development for adult gents who enjoy sex with minors but find the consequences—pregnancy and jail time—fouling up their lifestyle and cover-ups.
Only a rookie can fumble this play now by cautioning sex partners that this powerful drug often works after conception and is associated with nausea, abdominal pain and a heightened risk of ectopic pregnancy, a potentially fatal condition. And don’t risk an early (cold) shower by reminding them that even many advocates of the Morning-after Pill admit there’s no evidence this reduces pregnancies or abortions, as has been claimed.
More than just a “victory” for some women, Plan B is a game-winning touchdown and grand slam home run all at once for men too. So barkeep, more beer for my buddies—and tequila shots all around for that table of women, they look thirsty.
Chuck Weber is Executive Director of SaintMax Worldwide, a nonprofit communications and consulting group based in Mission, KS.
It has been nearly 4 months now since I became a non-resident of the Daisy House. While marriage is quite wonderful, and I love my husband tremendously… there are some big changes that came with moving out of this ministry-type hangout house that I wasn’t totally prepared for.
The best word I can use to describe the feeling of these changes is ISOLATION. After nearly 2 years of living in a house where I was guaranteed visitors on a daily or bi-daily basis, it’s very strange to live in a situation which actually requires myself and others to make an EFFORT to hangout. (Granted, it happened every now and then that I got sick of living in the DH for the very reason that there was ALWAYS someone hanging out… but I actually miss it.)
The beautiful thing about the Daisy House was that it didn’t matter who you were, what you thought or how you acted… you were pretty much welcome to hang out there whenever you needed a place to hang out. But now… it’s as though you have to “fit-in” just perfectly to be invited to something that involves former frequenters of the DH (other than rosary night of course). It feels to me that things have become much more clique-y and I rather hate it.
Now… this isn’t really necessarily a direct result of people being stupid and uninclusive. I think a lot of it has to do with space-restraints. Now that there isn’t a big house for everyone to congregate at… it’s a little more difficult to include EVERYONE even if you want to. But when you can’t include everyone, you inevitably end up leaving someone out and hurting their feelings. And, quite frankly, it sucks to be the person that feels left out.
I don’t really have a solution. I guess the only thing anyone who feels left out can do is just start organizing stuff themselves. If they are sad cuz they found out about something that they weren’t invited to… then dog on it… they better freakin get on the ball and organize something themselves. At least that’s what I keep telling myself and my former DH roommates. We may not always have the means or the space to organize something on a grand scale, but we can help fight away this isolation by making sure we FIND something to do and someone to do it with… even if the majority of our friends are hanging out at something we didn’t get called about (insert slight bitter scowl here).
**Disclaimer: In general, small things tend to piss me off on a much grander scale than they did before this whole pregnancy. So if you somehow are under the impression that this post is speaking directly to you, please know that I mean no harm and that I will return to my same old self in about 6 months.
I'M AN AUNT!!!!
I would like everyone to meet the most beautiful baby girl ever...
Miss Avery Cora Rausch
Avery was born on August 23rd at 6:28pm. She weighs 9 lbs 8 oz, and she is 20.5 inches long. I LOVE HER SO MUCH!
Mother knows best
By request of my mom who seems to dislike reading all of my friends going nuts on posts like the previous one, I'm going to update this blog. (Though this doesn't mean I'm finished with the last one... I'm just tired of looking at it as the first thing on the screen.)
1) This baby is causing quite the little pooch in my tummy. He/she is supposedly about 5 inches long at this point... and I think (maybe just maybe) I've felt the little bugger move a couple of times. It's really neat if that's really what I'm feeling.
2) Pregnancy has brought me a whole new appreciation of my husband. Now granted... we were only married about 3 weeks before we discovered we were pregnant, so I would assume I should be gaining new appreciation for him still anyways... but seriously... the man is on his way to sainthood. In the last about 6 days, I've probably ended up in tears on about 4 of those days. Andrew has somehow managed to not only deal with my crazy pregnancy unhappiness but also to make it seem all better. Sometimes I'm crying cuz of something silly he said to me that somehow made me mad. Sometimes I'm crying because it feels like the whole world is this big ball of yuckiness and I feel incapable of fixing it. Sometimes I'm crying and Andrew asks why.. and my honest response is "I don't know." The poor fella is phenomenal as a husband, and I assure you that being the husband of a pregnant woman is like 400 times harder than being the husband of a non-preggo woman.
3) The last few days have been very spiritually enlightening for some reason. I've sorta been in the going-through-the-motions type of state for awhile, and it's nice to have a little bit of this actual feeling of connection with God come back. Things just keep popping up at daily Mass... in emails that I get... in things that people say that just really hit my heart like little messages from God. For example, today's Psalm was "The Lord is my Shepherd, there is nothing I shall want." I'm quite sure this is my favorite Psalm. I especially like the part that says:
"You spread the table before me
in the sight of my foes;
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows."
I just love the imagery of a cup overflowing. It's kind of like He's saying that he loves us sooo much that we can't even hold all that love inside of us. It's just beautiful... and extremely comforting.
4) Ooooh... one of my favorite things about pregnancy that I haven't shared on the blog yet is going to daily Mass while at work. Because my boss is a priest and he knows I'm pregnant... everytime I go to communion, he makes me pause long enough so he can also give the baby a blessing! It's so awesome and it always makes me smile.Well that's my happy little diatribe for today. Just an FYI... if you have anything negative or derogatory to say about this particular post, I ask that you please keep it to yourself. This is not a post meant to elicit anger or frustration from anyone... it's just a little post updating you on me.
The Amazing Human Body
Some neat stuff I learned recently:
* Did you know that our naturally produced hormones can predict all kinds of neat stuff about our moods and attitudes?
* Plus, the pheremones produced by others are what attracts us to them... and when our hormones are working properly, they give us the ability to distinguish between members of the opposite sex who are "winners" vs. "losers/deadbeats".
* When women take artificial contraceptives that alter their hormone cycle, they are no longer able to distinguish between good pheromones and bad pheromones naturally.
* Also, because artificial contraception alters the hormones that women naturally produce, they sometimes become less attractive to guys because the pheromones they are producing are no longer the ones they're designed to produce at certain times of the month.
I thought all of this info was super interesting. Plus there's this neat website I found that helps you predict your moods and attitudes based on what day you are in your hormone cycle. There's even a section to predict male hormone cycles!!! The website is www.hormonology.info
Check it out if you get a chance.
Okay... so this is our little bundle of joy, but the picture didn't scan in very well. Basically his/her little head is on the left and he's looking at you. If you look closely, you can see little eyes and a mouth shouting to stop pressing on mommy's abdomen. The white glob that looks to be floating above the baby is his little hand which showed up more than his arm. The little line attaching to the bottom of his body (at the right of the picture) is one of the little legs.
Baby U is cute even if he/she is hard to see at this point!
Hello my baby... hello my darlin...
Okay... so does anyone remember the part in Spaceballs when the alien comes out of the person's stomach in the diner at the end and starts singing that song...
"Hello my baby, hello my darlin, hello my rag time gal...."
Yeah... so I've been humming that tune ever since our sonogram on Monday. Weird? Most assuredly.
So I'm laying on this table/bed thing and the doctor puts this warms goo on my tummy. He boots up this little screen next to me and Andrew that has a nice clear picture of nothing. Then he places this little contraption on my tummy and WABAM... there's a baby on the screen! And I'm not talking some little hard-to-see alien-looking blob... I'm talking a real life 100% human child. Our little one was tossing and turning and flailing his arms all about.
I had NO idea how clearly we'd be able to see our child. We saw the little fingers and the little feet. We even got a picture printed when he was looking right at us and practically waving. I don't think the baby was taking too kindly to all the pushing that the doctor was doin on my abdomen cuz the little one was seriously doing some acrobatics.
It was flippin awesome!!!!!
And yet, now, I'm left humming the tune from when the alien jumps out of the man's stomach... that has to be some sort of psychotic problem.
Baby is 13... going on 14
Alright... so this little tike in my womb is 13 weeks old now according to most pregnancy websites, which means I'm like right on the beginning of my second trimester. Quite honestly, that freaks me out a bit because it means that I'll be holding this little baby in like 6 months... and well, frankly, that's not a very long time.
I'm not showing yet, though I've got a few pairs of pants that won't quite button comfortably anymore.
I'm finding this part of pregnancy to be a little bizarre. I dont' really feel sick anymore... I'm not showing any major outward signs of pregnancy... I don't feel the need to sleep 24/7... and I haven't puked in over a month. There are quirky things going on with my body... but for the most part I feel normal. It's becoming a little harder to believe I'm pregnant.
I suppose the sonogram on Monday will convince me again as we'll finally get to see this little person growing in me.
And just so you all know, because we've already got the question about 18 times:
We are NOT finding out the sex of the baby. We've decided to be surprised.
And, we HAVE talked about names, but we won't be releasing any of them until that baby has it on his/her birth certificate.
I mean... feel free to make suggestions if you wish, but please know we won't tell you if we picked yours until this child is born and officially named.
:) Alright.. I'm out for a bit. Leave some comments, start an argument, write a joke... just make this board active. :) Gracias.
It's time for another episode of...
CAPTION THIS PICTURE:
Can you come up with the funniest caption or dialogue to go with this picture?