Why I am the way I am...
So I stumbled across something while chatting with my roommate earlier today. It has motivated me to potentially start a series of posts entitled...
DUM DUM DE DUUUUUUMMMMM!!!!..........
"Why I am the way I am... A Study in Self Discovery."
Today I was thinking how it would be nice to be a kid again. I used to have the best time playing with my barbie dolls or my little fisher price people. I'd sit down with a friend and we'd make up this great scheme of how Barbie would find a baby along the road and adopt it. Or how Barbie and Ken would go mountain climbing and B would fall and break her leg... and Ken would have to carry her to safety. Or we'd play with the little fisher price people and they'd have family events and take trips in the car and such things. I miss making up stories and acting them out.
My roommate said to me "I don't think you'd have any fun playing with those things now that you're older." As I pondered this statement, I decided that I do those kinds of things now... but it's not with Barbie and Ken or the Fisher Price people. I make my life those crazy romantic exciting stories.
Obviously I don't find babies on the side of the road or fall off mountains or anything. But I frequently go out of my way to create excitement when things get too humdrum. I am my own Barbie Doll.
Why I am the Way I am Entry #1:
Because I taught myself to create exciting lives for my dolls and now I create the same excitement for myself.
This is what comes of being okay
Well, folks, I'm actually a bit sad to say that my life has hit a plateau. I'm pretty comfortable with how things are going. No stupid boys to speak of. Job going well. Getting along with friends. Having more fun than crankiness and more normal than drama.
The only reason I'm sad to say it is that it leaves me very little fodder for good blog topics. What's a girl to do?
I've sat here in my room for 5 minutes thinking "I should blog... I need inspiration." As I perused my room I saw little fluffy cows... a mess of paper work... a used car buying guide... some empty water bottles... lots of God-related stuff... jayhawk stuff... pictures... but nothing of particular blog goodliness. Harumph.
Perhaps this weekend shall bring excitement that I can share.
This is Kristi. BlogLess and Content. Signing off.
Something kinda cool...
Okay... so have you all heard the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank(sp)??
The next time you listen to it, imagine that it's a Christian song written as a song sung to Jesus. It gives me chills.
It's way cool.
Neurosis: "n. pl. neu·ro·ses"
Any of various mental or emotional disorders involving symptoms such as insecurity, anxiety, depression, and irrational fears.
Cory at work says that I'm neurotic.
Let's examen my symptoms -
Insecurity: On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being most insecure... I would say I'm probably about a 7. This 7 is mostly based on the fact that my love life seems to have no direction whatsoever other than maybe "reverse" and that I really have no long term plan in life at this moment. I would have to say that a few months ago I was probably a bit higher on the insecurity scale when my old company was floundering and I was working like 3 hours a day at the most. But i'm definitely more secure about that.
Anxiety: Only in spurts. Like, overall, I would say I am not an anxious person. I worry because I'm a worrier. But true anxiety only occurs when the BIG drama happens. Like friends keeping secrets from me... or trying to decide what to do about stupid flirty boys in my life.
Irrational Fears: I'm afraid of the dark. I'm afraid of flying. I'm afraid of spiders. I'm afraid of cancer. I'm afraid of losing a loved one. I'm afraid of never discovering what the heck i'm supposed to be doing with my life. I'm afraid of moving away even though I want to alot. I'm afraid of new people. I'm a bit afraid of heights. I'm a teeny weensy bit afraid of committment. Yes. Yes, I have many irrational fears (although if we had the time I could totally rationalize all of these.)
So... maybe I'm neurotic. I'm still not sure I understand the meaning of neurosis. Like what about me makes me neurotic? I don't really get it. Are you neurotic? Can you explain why?
Woo Hoo! I have Picture Capabilities now!
This is just a test to see if I actually have the capability to post pictures now. If it works.. then this is me and my best friend being the silly angels that we are. :)
As promised, I would like to give you a little update on the Crush Alphabet. If you are new to reading my blog, or if you just need a reminder of the happenings of a few months ago, check out these two posts before you read on: January 2nd
AND January 12th
Basically, here's the scoop on all the boys I loved before (or at least the 5 I loved back in January). And by "love" I mean "sort of thought was cool" and/or "drooled over for a while".
"A", as we covered in the last commenting section, is now living in Colorado. Sometime in February we had an excellent DTR when I basically told him that he can't flirt with me like he does and expect me not to think that something is going on between us. This conversation took place after a night of some serious interactions beyond how friends should act, and I had just had enough. Anyways, I was sad when A moved away, and I miss him tons. But now that he isn't living 50 feet away, I have finally gotten rid of the "crush" on him. But he did give me a kiss on the cheek before he left, which, oddly enough, ranks quite high in the book of kisses I've received from neato boys.
"B"... ah... B... what can I say? This is the most recent and final letter to be booted from the crush list. It turns out that "B" is another one of those completely clueless guys who probably had no idea how much I really truly liked him. I'm fairly certain that he knew that I liked him... but I don't think he had any idea how much. Anyways... as my last post illustrated, I discovered that "B's" sting. And that if a guy pays attention to me merely because I'm "fun to flirt with"... then he probably isn't all I thought he was cracked up to be in the first place. Especially if he knew that in the long run nothing would happen between us, and he was just leading me on cuz it was fun for him. I'm still pretty bitter about this one. And a bit sad and disheartened. But, I've kicked B off the crush list as a result of the happenings of the past week. Which, for me, is a great accomplishment because this crush has been happening on and off since about last August.
"C" was never really a true crush. He just seemed like a good guy to like. Since he was never really a true full-blown crush, it's not difficult for me to say that C is off the list as well. Plus, I find him to be a rather confusing fellow who says one thing and then sorta acts in the opposite way. I can't figure him out enough to really have a crush on him.
"D" is still awesome. And I would totally still have a crush on him, but he is dating someone else at the moment. And the chick he's dating is super duper fun and I'm way happy for her. So I have officially removed D from the crush list as well.
"E" was an irrelevant crush that was my neato friend Kyle. He was more of an honorary member of the list than anything else, so I suppose he's not really on the list anymore either. Though, Kyle, honey, I still love you to pieces.
So there you have it. My sleight has been wiped clean. I guess now might be a good time for "the one" to come along, because I don't have to worry about any stupid distractions anymore. Of course, I don't really expect "the one" to come strolling up any time soon because I'm not really sure I'm ready to meet him yet. Oh well... God's will be done.
I need a fly swatter in a bad way.
So I remembered part of a poem by Shel Silverstein that I read back in grammar school. I've of course done some editing and adding to it since I'm a wee bit more grown up these days. I hope you enjoy!
I've been stung by a bee
By Shel Silverstein, (redone by Kristi Ann)
I've been stung by a bee.
I can't tell you where.
I've been stung by a bee.
While I was just standing there.
He put a thought in my head.
And I thought it was true...
But it turns out when you play with bees
They ALWAYS sting you.
OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH.
I'm done with the tears.
I've wailed and lamented
But there is just one thing left
That I haven't cemented.
If the bee was my friend...
It just seems to me
That he'd rather not see me
in such misery.
So perhaps long ago
He should have been aware of his stinger
And stopped pestering me so much
So my love wouldn't linger.
But ALAS. OH WELL.
Things have happened much stranger.
I guess next time I'll know better...
Than to FLIRT with DANGER.
15 Random Facts and Updates
1> The "dating status" field on this page has changed twice in the last 2 weeks.
2> I love my guy friends. They are cool.
3> I believe that the summer of possibilities will soon bring much drama into our lives. WOE IS ME. WOE IS YOU. WOE IS US.
4> DTR is only fun when you've both consulted the same dictionary.
5> I haven't seen my big brother in like 2 weeks, and he only lives across town.
6> My roommate and I had a heated discussion/argument 2 nights ago. It was rare but fruitful I think.
7> Sometimes I don't know whose advice to take.
8> I danced the waltz with a priest last night to a piano that plays itself.
9> Stephanie will soon have the same last name as Dan. YEAY! CONGRATS!
10> I'm attending my second wedding of the summer on Saturday. I'm a bit worried that it will find me as sad and depressed as the last one did. But dog on it... I sure as heck hope it doesn't.
11> I have a secret, and I've already told far too many people what it is.
12> There's a hole in the bucket, Dear Liza, Dear Liza.
13> My new friend Lisa is crazy and fun.
14> I should be paying bills right now... or sleeping. I'm not doing either (obviously).
15> Tomorrow one of my coworkers is bringing in his one week old baby. I might get to hold him!!! YEAY!!!
I hope you all have FABULOUS weekends. Party til the cows come home. YEAY COWS!!!!