Perhaps the best release of confusion is to spew it onto the screen through my fingers... This is my part of the cyber world. Join in my delirium, won't you?
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Hamsters in my Head?So I discovered something last night. When you publish your thoughts on a website... then people KNOW your thoughts. Yes, I know... it seems obvious, right? Well I guess it had just never struck me that writing this blog was actually like letting all of you right inside my brain.
In a way, that was the point. The reason I called the blog what I called it is because I am quite confused... even if I am HAPPILY confused. So I figured maybe I could rid myself of confusion by letting you guys sort it out. But last night I discovered that the advice that people give you when they know how you're thinking is SO much more profound than the advice they give you when they don't know how you're thinking. Like it hits home about 25 times harder, and although I am not the happiest about the advice that I received, it makes a tiggity ton of sense.
Usually, when people give advice, you can just smile and nod and then make the decision whether or not it fits your situation and your thinking. But when people give ME advice (after reading my blog, I mean), they know what my excuses will be before I even come up with them. It's frustrating to say the least.
I'm not sure the point of this little post, cept that I was struck by the idea of a bunch of little people running around in my head watching movies of the thoughts that cross my mind. You ARE the little people. I hope you enjoy yourselves in the movie theatre of my mind.
Sunday, January 25, 2004
Answers? I have NUN.**Warning... the following post is a bit more personal than usual. If you care not to enter into the inner most depths of my brain, then I have sufficiently warned you. However, I am open to any and all comments that you might have concerning the current blog... just don't be brutal. **
No.. "NUN" in the subject wasn't a typo. Confusion ensues once again in the discernment process. I think it might have something to do with the sudden fervor to once again re-inkindle my prayer life. I guess when I talk to God more, He talks to me more. Which is a good thing... right? Except that I love being affectionate. And I love being around boys. And I can't much imagine spending my life in a convent. But... if that's what I'm meant to do.. then that is what will make me most happy, right??
Hmmm. Life is full of questions and there are few definite answers. Does anyone know of any orders of sisters who are Habitted, Apostolic, work in Ministry, and full of goofy crazy gals that laugh alot?... oh yeah.. and they let you get married. :)... uh.. right.
Friday, January 23, 2004
Thursday, January 22, 2004
31 years into the Culture of Death“It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.” – Mother Teresa
“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.” – Jer 1:5
“Everyone has an obligation to be at the service of life." - Evangelium Vitae, Pope John Paul II
The great saints knew it, the Pope knows it, the Bible teaches it – ABORTION IS WRONG.
And yet, somehow, one of the greatest nations in the world cannot understand that killing a human child should be against the law.
Does anyone recall the Declaration of Independence? Doesn’t it say something to the effect of “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
So one of the most important documents in American history tells us that ALL men are endowed with the RIGHT TO LIFE. And medical evidence proves that a human person exists from the moment of sperm fertilizing egg. So if a human exists at its very beginnings, and our declaration of independence states that every human has the RIGHT to life, then how is it possible that we have legalized the murder of tiny children? How can this be a VALID law? What has our nation become when we think that one person should have the RIGHT to kill another person no matter how innocent, no matter how helpless?
On the 31st anniversary of the Roe vs. Wade decision that legalized abortion in America, let us remember all of the innocent children that have been killed as a result of this law. Let us pray for all of the mothers who have been mislead to believe that that little child growing in them who moves and cries and dreams is only a “lump of tissue” or a “fetus.” Let us pray for all the men who have ever wanted the baby that the mother of their child aborted. Let us pray for the men who have ever pushed the mother of their child to have an abortion. Let us pray for all people in our society that they may realize the evils of abortion, that they may begin to work for life, and let us pray for the continuation of the pro-life movement which will some day end the horrors that our society currently enacts on its own children.
Monday, January 19, 2004
Hmm... is it possible?My frequent saying when I'm frustrated with the opposite sex is "STUPID BOYS!" I have come to the conclusion today that it is QUITE possible that they are really perhaps NOT stupid at all... I just feel that they act stupidly towards me. The follow up thought to that one is then "Perhaps I am doing something wrong or maybe I'm the stupid one."... but that couldn't really be the case, could it? :)
I guess what I'm saying is that you stupid boys aren't really stupid. You're just not acting towards me or my friends in the way that would make me most happy. But then... who am I to expect such treatment anyways?
So you should go about your stupid ways, saying your stupid things, flirting like stupid idiots and being your stupid stupid selves because you're really not doing anything out of the ordinary except causing much confusion and unhappiness in our lives.
Friday, January 16, 2004
CommentsHey kids! I switched to a different commenting system cuz the one I was using was being very stupid. I'm sorry that we've lost the fun smileys, but maybe if they get their stuff together I'll go back to my old system. NOW START COMMENTING!!! :)
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Virtuous relationships... realistic or idealistic?Humans crave love. We want to be comforted and babied and taken care of. So often in relationships this deep desire for “love” drives us crave extremely physical relationships. We think “My significant other MUST love me if he or she is willing to please me in THAT way.”
I think something that baffles me when it come to morality is how infrequently we ever say: “Wow… my significant other MUST love me if he or she is willing to say ‘no’ when all I want to do is make out. He or she must want to protect my purity and my chastity. He or she must want to make sure that, even when he’s/she’s not around, I will only think pure thoughts and dream pure dreams. He or she must REALLY love me if his concern for what my soul wants is far greater than his concern for what my body wants.”
Sound ideal? That’s because it is IDEAL. To find a significant other whose only purpose in the relationship is to make sure that you are getting closer to God is the ULTIMATE mate. And so few of us ever realize that this is what we SHOULD be searching for in our quest for “the one”.
Anyways... back to the craving love thing. Beyond showing love by keeping your significant other pure and chaste… there are SO many ways to do it that won’t leave a guilty conscience or a sinful mark on your soul. I know at least for me, and many of my gal pals, some of the most wonderful moments we experience in a relationship are some of the most innocent.
Examples: 1) When a boyfriend guides you into the room with his hand on the small of your back, or opens a door for you, or lets you walk slightly in front of him. Simple stuff that seems old fashioned but totally shows respect.
2) Holding hands can be SOOO great. My favorite memory from the least virtuous relationship I had was holding his hand at church. It was like we sat before God, saying “we’re here together… help us grow toward You.” I’m not sure the guy was thinking that… but I just thought it was so neat to be in God’s house with him.
3) Little surprises. A note left on your windshield. A surprise email just to know you’re thinking about the other. Showing up at the door after the other one has had a horrible day at work just to give a great big hug.
I dunno… maybe I’m being idealistic. Maybe these kind of relationships barely exist at all. But I think it’d be super cool to be involved in one of them.
Monday, January 12, 2004
Woe is Me and these SILLY crushes...Letter A fell off last week... then he got put back on. Letter B fell off this weekend... then he got put back on. Letter C was super sweet to me last week.. but he's still peripheral. I haven't seen D in a couple weeks, so I'm not sure how I feel about him these days because I don't know him well enough to know if he is when-he's-not-around crushworthy. Letter E has morphed into a good friend because he wanted to be a letter... but he's afraid that my other letters are dropping off too quickly and he thinks that I "need to find a man."
Do you want to know what is most ridiculous about these 5 guys that I so lovingly have attached alphabetical letters to? They all give me advice about the other ones.
C gives advice about A.
A gives advice about E.
E gives advice about A and B.
B gives advice about A.
D doesn't give advice because he doesn't know how crazy I am yet.
I just smile and nod and pretend that what they say will make any difference.... And some of them are very wise. For example, E told me that I need to just stop liking A and B so much and go out of my group of friends/acquaintences and find me a man who doesn't know any of my friends. THEN... once I've snagged him, I'm supposed to bring him around my friends. You see, this prevents my uberly cute female friends from accidentally wooing the object of my affection.
To tell you the truth, I am very indifferent to the whole thing today. I blog about it because it amuses me, but the only true love of my life right now is God. And I've been spending far too little time with Him. So... until my knight in shining armor decides to make a move, I've got to start focusing my time elsewhere. This is no easy task for one as boy-crazy as I seem to be, but I will give it a shot. But do not worry friends, I will still be blogging about the happenings with said boys... I just will try not to freak out about them as much anymore.
Anyone want to place bets on if I can detach myself from this crushing lifestyle?
Saturday, January 10, 2004
Happy Anniversary!Today is the THREE MONTH anniversary of Delightful Delirium. On this day, I would just like to give my webpage a pat on the back and say "job well done, dear friend. Thanks for storing my thoughts, opinions and general ramblings!"
On this day, I would like to give a shout out to all my faithful readers and commenters. You have made this page much fun to write. You guys rock!
Cheers to another 3 months of silly arguments and romantic opines.
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Growing up... and how I haven'tIn reflecting on my blog from a few days ago when I discussed my numerous crushes and how often they change, I came to realize that I must NOT be a normal 23 year old young woman. I'm not sure what "normal" is, but I think I sound more like a 16 year old than a 23 year old. I want to know how to grow up.
I don't want to "crush" anymore. It seems childish. But i'm not exactly sure how most adults handle the sort of situations that I get myself in to... and I'm not sure that I want to handle them in a way that most adults handle them I guess.
Someone told me that in order to grow up, I must drop this crazy crushingness and just like one guy... and pursue him I guess. But for awhile guy A on the list was the only real crush I had... and my persuing was going none too well. When is it time to give up on someone and move on? And how does a person go about doing that? Do I have to know for sure and without a doubt that he does not ever want to date before I move on... or should I just assume that after 4 months of unbelievable flirting with only tiny advancements in our relationship that nothing is going to happen?
I really really really wish I could figure this one out. My main reasoning for wanting this is that "stupid boy upstairs" is keeping me from being able to see the big picture... to see the other awesome guys around me... maybe even to see what God truly wants for me (that's assuming that it isn't the boy upstairs.)
I need advice from some of my older, wiser, or at least more mature readers. How do you go about liking someone or even knowing when to stop liking them? Any advice? Perhaps my question is... if you were me, and you had a pretty good clue that person you've liked for months is probably not anywhere near the same level of liking you, would you just move on or would you confirm those feelings by talking to the person about it and then move on?
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Internet Courtship - #2In a comment on my December 30th blog, Kimmy B mentioned that she thinks it might not be wise to LOOK for love on the internet, but it is a good place to get to know someone. I both agree and disagree with this comment. Although instant messaging can be a great way to talk with someone who across town (or across the state or farther) from you, it is also very misleading.
If we're talking about a person you have never met before... things are even MORE complicated. For one, even if they send you a picture, you develop said image into a whole person. You imagine their quirks, their facial expressions, their flirtiness. Your brain creates a whole person from a picture and a few typed words. This causes great problems when you finally meet this lovely stranger and discover that his or her quirks aren't as you imagined. I have experienced this phenomenon in at least 2 separate situations. It is quite disturbing when you've come to the conclusion that someone is pretty damn close to being your soulmate, but once you're put in the same room with this guy... you figure out that something is missing. No one can really say what that "something" is... but there is a chemistry that happens in relationships that is just too difficult to discover without human face to face interaction.
As for getting to know someone better online... I think it is a valid argument for the positives of instant messaging, but it ALSO has it's downsides. For one, as Kimmy B mentioned, it is very hard to distinguish flirting, from sarcasm, from sincerity, from complete bull. You have to be VERY attune to a person before you know their quirks enough to read these things through smileys and typed words. It also allows people to be VERY open. It is super easy to confess your hidden feelings to someone when you don't have to watch their facial reactions... and when you know that their response will be only through typed words and not a giant VOCAL rejection.
So anyways.. positives and negatives, postives and negatives.
Friday, January 02, 2004
Being Kristine AnnHas anyone ever seen "Being John Malkovich"? It's a very strange film that, from what I can remember, sort of lets you into John Malkovich's head and shows you his thoughts. My blog is a wee bit like that some days... letting you, my readers, into my head for even an instant. But today, I shall blog from the part of my brain that thinks exclusively about crushes. I would like to review for you just how confused I've been in the past... oh let's say 2 weeks. I shall not use real names, but most of you will probably understand who guys A, B, C, and D are.
Anyways... starting around December 19th my crush cycle has gone a little nutso. Of course there were moments in there that did not really find me thinking about any guys at all... and there were probably a few moments when I was thinking about more than one... but for the most part.. it went something like this. Note each letter refers to a different guy.
12/19 B. B. B. B. B. B. A. B.
12/20 B. A. B. A. A. A. A. A. A. B. B. A.
12/21 A. A. A. B. B. A. A. A. B. A. A. A.
12/22 A. A. A. A. A. B. A.
12/23 A. A. B. A.
12/24 A. B. A. B. A.
12/25 A. A. A.
12/27 B. A. B. B. B. D.
12/28 A. B. E.
12/29 B. E. E. E. E. B. B. B. B. B.
12/30 B. A. E. E. B. B.
12/31 B. A. E. E. E. E. A. B. B. B. C. D. D. D. B. B. B. D. B. D. B. B.
01/01 B. B. A. A. C. D. D. B. B. A. A.
01/02 ... I haven't had much time to think about any of them today.
Overall.. this means my MOST crushed on crush has been GUY B, closely followed by GUY A. GUY E was sort of a passing thought that acquired far too much of my time for a couple days, but that one is pretty over I think. GUY D is amazing and I feel like a crush on him could grow more intense over the next few weeks. GUY C is who I refer to as my peripheral crush, because he's just fun and great but not someone I really think about unless he's around or someone mentions him.
I hope you have enjoyed your stay in the crush holding lobe of my brain. It's a little confusing in here, but we find it very entertaining at moments.
Please stay to the right as you exit and have a wonderful day!
** On a side note, my closest friends have started a game as of late that has them yelling out a name each time they see me smile sheepishly as a result of whatever I may be thinking. It is quite exciting to have them guess which guy has made me smile this time... and it's even more fun when they yell out all three main crushes and find out that they're wrong about all of them. TEE HEE. **