Did someone say "Date"???
So y'all seem eager to learn 'bout my little adventure at the National Catholic Singles Conference. I suppose I shall expound on the things I learned a little bit (though they will surely not have the same charisma that they had coming from the likes of the speakers that we heard.) All of this info come of one or more of the following people who you should DEFINITELY google if you get a chance: Dave Sloan, Dr. Phil Mango, Mary Beth Bonacci, & Katrina Zeno.
1) Ingredients for a "date": a) Must involve a Man and a Woman, b) Must be a date "on purpose" - in other words, you can't just have run into eachother at Borders and sat down for coffee and called it a date, c) There must be attraction to the other from both of the daters, d) You must be open to the possibility of marriage with the person you're out with.
2) How to keep from kissing frogs (what to look for in the opposite sex): If the man you're interested in makes a good brother, father, and son during his daily activities he is a wonderful man to date. If the woman you're interested in makes a good sister, mother, and daughter in her day-to-day activities, she's the girl you should be wanting to take out!
3) You should always see the person you are interested in as first and foremost a child of God. In other words, she is your sister before she is your girlfriend. He is your brother before he is your boyfriend. If you can't handle that, then you're NOT ready for a real relationship.
4) Our society is all about "Serial Monagamy" - aka sex within a serious relationship that is not marriage. What does Serial Monagamy say? It says "I promise not to have sex with anyone but you until I am through or almost through having sex with you." Serial Monagamy goes against everything we were created to be, and yet we're so great at rationalizing it. - Just FYI, Dave Sloan, the guy who said this in his talk was a victim of serial monagamy for a LONG time. Check out GodofDesire.com for more info.
5) I can't begin to delve into the differences between men and women... cuz it was a great talk that was very informative. But I will say this much: Women are, by nature, receptive creatures. We GIVE by receiving. Men are, by nature, focused hunters. Men RECEIVE by giving. Women are not built to be passive.
We're supposed to be ACTIVELY RECEPTIVE. Men are built (like God the Father) to start, sustain and protect things (like a family). All of this stuff ties into our hormones and our brain structure and I bought a CD of Dr. Mango's talk if anyone is interested. It's FAB!!!
6) Man is the only creature created for his own sake. (All other creatures were created for man's use.) SO... since he was created for his own sake, man ONLY finds himself in a total and permanent gift of self. Just look at how our bodies were created - They're made to find fulfillment through self-donation. Our bodies are a sign that we're called to live as self gift. Which is why single life (without consecration) is NOT a Vocation.
7) And this is probably not so intriguing for my guy readers, but in the talk for the ladies we learned how to be Ladies in Love. Ladies in Love with God, with our Bodies, with our Friends and With LIFE. And being single is so much better when you're a Lady In Love!
Okay, so now you saw some of my notes and got to see a piece of what I learned. I had these grandiose plans to write "Kristi's Treatise on Singlehood and Dating Relationships" at the end of this post... but it's 11:30pm... and I think I gotsta get to bed. Hopefully I can post THE TREATISE
*which promises to be a fun and bitter diatribe* tomorrow!
Love you all!
Word of God, Speak
So I went to the National Catholic Singles Conference this weekend in Denver. And surprisingly enough, it was NOT the Catholic meat market that I was a bit afraid it was going to be. It was actually a SUPER AWESOME conference with some of the country's foremost speakers on dating, theology of the body, and being a single Catholic.
It totally rocked. I learned a LOT. And God did something really neat to my heart. The weekend was just fabulous overall.
Things that I learned: the 4 qualities that must exist for it to actually be a "DATE", the physiological differences in the male and female brains that make us act the way we do, what 3 qualities a man must possess to be date-worthy, plus a bunch of other stuff.
And as a bonus... I just received my License to Date
You should go get one, too!
Tonight one of my friends told me why her favorite rose was the pink rose. She said it's because white stands for purity and red stands for love. Therefore, a pink rose symbolizes Pure Love.
And this brings me to the question "What does 'pure love' mean exactly?"
In my limited studies of human sexuality in conjuction with morality, many things have stood out to me, but one thing in particular rocks my face off.
And that is: The opposite of True Love is not Hate. It is USE. Let me say it again: The opposite of LOVE is USE.
As we approach St. Valentine's Day, many couples will be having romantic evenings filled with wine and flowers and other such things. And many couples (both inside and outside of marriage) will fool themselves into believing that they are experiencing Pure Love.
Pure Love is not a feeling. It's not butterflies in your stomach. It's not a hormonal rush. It's not sweaty palms or shaky nerves. Pure Love is Self giving Love.
Pure Love is not experienced in sex outside of marriage. It is, in fact, a contradiction in terms. Sex is meant to be the truest union of man to woman. It is expresses the soul's statement that "I give myself to you completely without reservation."
Outside of marriage, it is impossible for an unmarried couple to say this, because there are always exceptions. Exceptions like: I give myself to you completely EXCEPT after we break up. I give myself to you completely EXCEPT I don't give you my child-bearing abilities. I give myself to you completely EXCEPT I understand that you may not want me tomorrow and I may not want you tomorrow or ever again.
Inside marriage, it can also be a contradiction in terms if sex is being used for any other reason than its unitive and procreative purposes. It's like saying "I want to give myself to you in everything I have except I won't allow God to work through this act. I won't allow a third soul to be created through this act."
Perhaps the most widely-spread abuse of sex is when people (both married an unmarried) use it for what it can do for them. Then an act that is supposed to be completely self-giving becomes completely selfish. Exp. "This makes me feel good... so we should do it."
And really... I started this blog talking about LOVE not SEX.... And I'm not just talking about PURE LOVE in terms of sex... because it is so much more than that. Pure love means not pushing the line. Pure love means stopping for the sake of the other. Pure love means DIEING to yourself so that you may give all you have to God.
PURE LOVE is amazing. It's wonderful. It's God-given. And He gave it to us so that we may find Him. And so that we may see REAL and LASTING HAPPINESS.
I just want our society and our stupid unformed consciences to stop convincing us that the impure things we do are okay just because they make us feel good. It's so very difficult to overcome these thoughts when you're in a relationship with someone... but if you want to TRULY love them, then you MUST.
my New Favorite Rose Is the Pink Rose... because It Symbolizes Pure Love.
Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope you may LOVE today as God intended you to LOVE, because that is how He loves you each day.
If Snoop Dogg wrote my website...
Ah.. sweet joyous Hugs!
If you were to ask me what my favorite thing in the WHOLE WORLD was... the first thing to pop into my mind would be "hugs". I love them. They are great.
And let me tell you, over the past week I've seriously need hugs like nobody's business. Work is totally awful right now, and most of my coworkers can tell that I'm not having the greatest of times.. so I've gotten at least 3 hugs at work. Then I come home, and if Lisa is the first one I see then she gives me a big hug... and when I see Kim... she gives me a big hug.
And tonight we had like 30 people over for a Superbowl Party, and I got like 12 or 15 or 30 hugs in the span of 6 hours. It was awesome. I got at least 3 Amy hugs and like 7 Peter hugs and 2 Danny hugs and 2 Marianna hugs and 1 Andrew hug and 1 other-Andrew hug and 2 or 3 Jim hugs and an Arvin hug or two and a Maury hug and a Jason hug and a Raquel hug and a Teri hug and a Jessica hug and a Katie-baby hug and a baby-Xavier hug and Kimmy hugs and Lisa hugs and probably more that I've forgotten to mention and WOW... IT WAS FABULOUS! I LOVE HUGS! (Is anyone else at this point finding it difficult to comprehend the sound "hug" after reading it so much?"
So anyways.. all of this hugging talk has a point. I learned the other day that a healthy human adult needs at least 8 hugs a day have as much affection as we really require. And I think that's a reason why I'm so happy all the time. I get hugged a lot. And it's wonderful!!! So, friends, if you haven't had your hugs today... then go and get em. Hugs rock! And if you need a hug, I'm your girl. I'll hug you til the cows come home if you'll let me.
Kiki...OUT. (sorry too much American Idol for me lately)