Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Deep thoughts...

I've had a post brewing for at least a week now, but when it starts coming together in my head, it never seems to have one direction. I don't like writing things that are unorganized... but I'm afraid this might be a little more stream of conscious than usual so I'm apologizing in advance.

Lately (and by lately I mean pretty much as long as I can remember) I've been really struggling with my hypochondria. I'm so terrified that I have some awful disease or something's wrong with the pregnancy or I have some sort of blood clot leftover from the crash a few months ago. These fears always get worse when I'm pregnant because it strikes me how awful it would be to not witness my babies grow up... to not be there to be a mom to them. A few weeks ago I was praying about it in adoration, and I realized that these fears of being sick are really just a lack of trust on my part. If I truly believed God was here taking care of things and helping me, then I wouldn't be so darn scared of always getting sick or dying. And then I think... even if I do get sick, there's nothing for me to do but deal with it... so why should I be worrying in advance? And as much as it has helped to pray over it (because it definitely HAS helped), I just can't seem to stop being such a hypochondriac.

Well, in reflecting on my hypochondria, I started wondering why I've always been like this. I know that I was always freaking out when I was a kid about something being wrong with me. And I had at some point in my preteen years somehow convinced myself I wouldn't make it past 17 years old. I think that thought probably started when my best friend's older brother passed away when we were in junior high. I think I just figured I was destined to go like that. I even remember feeling relieved when I hit 17. That's got to be abnormal.

And then I think maybe all of these morbid thoughts are coming back so strong this month because it's been 8 years since we lost my cousin Zack to cancer. I mean... we were both 19 at the time. And I watched him go through something that no one should have to go through. And I've always wondered what it would be like to find out that you only have a few months left. And I even wonder if anyone ever told him that for sure or if they just let him keep the hope that he could beat it. And Zack inspired me... and so many people with how strong he was and how silly he was even when he was really really sick. And he changed my life, because I went back to college my sophomore year vowing not to waste another day. And sometimes I wish so hard that I could know him today. Because I bet he'd be married with 2 or 3 of the cutest babies and he'd be the craziest weirdest cutest dad ever. But for some reason, that wasn't in God's master plan. I know in this life I'll never fully understand why, and I wonder if missing him will ever go away.

I remember in the months after he died, that I thought if anyone else in the family had to get sick like he did that I wanted it to be me... because I didn't want to watch anyone else go through it. I really don't know if that was a selfish thought or a sacrificial thought. Either way, I'm not sure I still feel that way. I'm terrified of cancer. I don't want anyone to get it... EVER. And I'm not too comfortable with death despite the insane number of funerals I attended as a kid and teenager.

I thought our wreck in April was enough of a brush with mortality that it might at the very least calm my hypochondria a bit. Life is too short to worry so much. I know that... but somehow I can't quite convince myself of it.

And maybe the whole point of this post is just to hash out these thoughts and see if any of you feel the same way. Am I the only one who is crazily uncomfortable with death? And shouldn't I not be that way if I'm a faith-filled person? And how do you get "okay" with it?

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Overpopulation and good reason for abortion? I think not.

From ABC Newsman, John Stossel. His 20/20 Special: Myths, Lies and Straight Talk.
MYTH #7 — The World Is Getting Too Crowded

We've heard protests about this for decades: News articles warn of "the population bomb," and "a tidal wave of humanity," and plead: No more babies. The world population today is more than 6 billion. It seems like so many people. But who says it's "too many?"

There are lots of problems all over the world caused by too many people
But there's no space problem. Our planet is huge. In fact we could take the entire world population and move everyone to the state of Texas, and the population density there would still be less than that of New York City.

But, you might wonder, won't we run out of resources, like food?

Paul Ehrlich wrote the book "Population Bomb," and warned 65 million Americans would starve in a "Great Die Off" in the 1980s. The 1973 movie "Soylent Green" predicted food riots would erupt in the year 2022 but it doesn't look like that will happen.

According to media mogul and philanthropist Ted Turner, population growth is "a time bomb waiting to happen." If it continues, at the current rate, according to Turner, "Eventually you stand around in a desert with nothing to eat." But that too is a myth. We see the pictures of starving masses in populous places, but the starvation is caused by things like civil war and government corruption that interfere with the distribution of food.

With more people, we also have more smart ideas. Every year we learn how to grow more food on less land. Thanks to improved technology, the United Nations now says the world overproduces food.

About 15,000 babies are born every hour. But they are not a burden, they offer more brains that might cure cancer, more hands to build things, more voices to bring us beautiful music.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

I didn't know there was day for this!!

Friday, June 06, 2008

Introducing Keira Louise

My newest niece arrived yesterday morning.

Keira weighed 9 lb 13 oz and is 20.5 inches long.

Sunday, June 01, 2008


I don't think it's a coincidence that "board" and "bored" are homophones because in general boards are boring.

Currently I am bored. My husband got called in to work so it's just little Mia and I hanging out this afternoon and evening. That's not usually so boring except she's in the midst of a long nap... so for now it is.

So what do I do on a Sunday afternoon when I'ved checked email, myspace and facebook about a gazillion times already? I blog.

I blog that I'm super excited about the birth of my new niece and Goddaughter which takes place this coming Thursday.

I blog that although my sweet 16 month old is over her croup, she now has a cold that makes her sound a bit like Donald Duck every now and then.

I blog that Andrew felt the new baby move today and that was SUPER exciting!

I blog that we pulled out Mia's little wooden kid rosary at Mass today and even though it doesn't have pictures or anything on it, out of nowhere she said "Mary." That was cool!

I blog that I think it's high time Hilary drops out of the democratic race. Seriously... you've lost... get used to it.

And I blog that it seems Andrew and I have sneak peek tickets to the new Adam Sandler movie coming out next weekend. I wonder if it will be stupid and funny or just stupid. We'll see I guess.