The Search for the Ideal
In my younger days, I developed a list of qualifications that a guy must meet in order for me to consider him marriable. The qualifications were as follows (there were many additions and subtractions as the years went on). But the basics were that I wanted:
A Catholic basketball-playing Virgin-by-Choice who could make me laugh.
Guess what? I've dated Catholics. I've dated virgins-by-choice. I've dated TONS of guys who could make me laugh. I haven't ever officially dated a basketball player, but that one was only there cuz I figured my big brothers would like him if he could play b-ball. I actually had the opportunity to date a guy who had all these qualities, but we just never really clicked the way that I needed to start a relationship with him.
And now... the qualifications seem silly. Maybe my ideal is not God's ideal for ME. I'm currently crushing on a guy who fits 2 of the four former qualifications, and I would date him seriously in a heartbeat. I've decided that having an ideal is silly. You don't know who you'll click with and just because someone has the qualities you're looking for does not mean that you're going to LOVE that person. Also, just because they don't have everything you're lookin for doesn't mean that they might not be PERFECT for you.
And so... RID YOURSELF OF QUALIFICATIONS people! Don't get me wrong... it's good to have standards... but don't write people off if they aren't EXACTLY what you were hoping for. Isn't it possible that they're different from what you wanted because they're in your life to help you realize that you might want the wrong things?
So here's the situation... How do YOU respond?
Pretend you're a boy (and if you already ARE a boy, then pretend you're a different boy from yourself). :)
For about a month now, you've been spending a lot of time with these new girls that you met. You think that they're really cool chicks and you frequently tell them that. You are a little older than them (like 5 years, let's say)... but they are really fun and you love spending time hanging out with them. There's one of them that you can't quite figure out. You've made 2 or 3 comments to her about not having a boyfriend.. she doesnt' seem offended or anything cuz she knows you're teasing, but you DO know for sure that she is single. Furthermore... you spent 3 hours chatting with her the other night about how she'll never learn to appreciate home until she leaves everything for a few months and goes away to another part of the country. You call her sweetheart. You tease her incessantly. You laugh and hug her when she does something out of character.
Now... let's say this girl finally gets up enough nerve to ask you out. What do you say? Do you only see her as a friend? Have you ever considered her as anything more? Could you ever consider her as anything more? Would you even like the kind of girl who was forward enough to ask YOU out?
Why is it that in much of the English language, we (at least in the midwest) do NOT pronounce the "T" sound?
For example.... mountain, fountain, denton, batter...
There are a ton more.. but you'll notice with these that either we just pause at the "t"... like in mountain and fountain OR we change the "t" into a "d" sound like in batter.
While we're on the topics of words, what is YOUR favorite?
Mine is GROWL. Just say it.. it's SO fun to say. :)
Flirting - Post #3
As I watched Little Mermaid with my wonderful roommate the other day, I stumbled across a scene that even my roommie can attest I get flirting tips from.
During the song "Kiss the Girl", Ariel is playing with her hair because she's nervous and awkward around Eric. But when she notices him looking at her she drops her hair and looks up at him with great big eyes. I LOVE this tactic.
In other news, a certain guy friend of mine is having a hard time grasping the concept of "red zone." You can't think of the red zone as something that you THINK about. It is instinctual. Hands gravitate toward eachother.. it just happens when you like someone. But sometimes, if you are aware of red zoning on the part of the person next to you, you can have a little insight on what that person might be thinking.
Because some stress is bad for you...
Okay... I'm apparently a bit stressed to day because the thought of anything less than happy turns on some faucet behind my eyelids and makes me face look like a red puffy waterfall.
AND SO.. I HAVE A SOLUTION! COW JOKES:
Jimmy the cow was moseying through the pasture one day. He trots over to Jake the cow and says "Hey... did you hear about that new disease goin round the pasture? It's called "talking cow disease".
Jake the cow responds "MOOOOOOO."
What type of animal can you get Dragon milk from?
A short legged cow. (draggin milk)
Cheer up people! Life isn't that serious!
The Unwritten Rule
I'm not sure if this is a girl thing or a guy thing.. but I think in some situations it applies to both.
This post concerns the unwritten rule that says that you shouldn't date people that your friends are interested in. Is this a valid rule or just some stupid thing that someone came up with a long time ago because of lack of self-esteem?
I think that I've heard both sides of this argument of whether the unwritten rule is valid:
Side A says there's nothing you can do if the object of your affection likes your friend better... so you should just be unselfish and let that friend date them. If you like the person THAT much, then he or she would obviously be good for your friend too.
Side B says you'd do anything to avoid hurting your friend even if it means turning down a date with the awesome person that they currently have their heart set on.
I guess it comes down to how well you know your friend. Is your friend the kind of person who is so unselfish that he or she would encourage you to date the person that he or she currently likes just cuz it would make you happy? OR is your friend the kind of person who would be completely crushed knowing that you would accept a date with the person he/she likes?
I have been on both sides of this argument considering that the majority of guys that I like end up liking one of my friends rather than me (no, i'm not THAT bitter). I have been the friend who said "he's awesome.. I would never keep you from dating him.. no matter how much I like him." And, yes, it hurts a ton to watch a friend go off and date someone you really liked, even if you did give the go ahead. I have also been the friend who says "please please please please don't date this guy. i don't think I can take another let down like that." But it also doesn't feel good to keep an awesome guy from a great girl especially if he takes no special interest in me anyways.
What's the answer? Any opinions? Is the unwritten rule a friendship saver or a ball of overly sensitive poo?
2 Types of Women
The Date-able woman and the Marry-able woman.
Dateable women are those who guys want to have fun with. Dateable women get taken out dancing. Dateable women get kissed on the first date. Dateable women meet a lot of guys and date a lot of guys and can choose from their many suitors.
Marryable women are those who guys think would be good to settle down with. They don't date until they find a guy who is FINALLY ready to settle down. They don't get to choose from their many suitors, because very few men that she knows will ever reach the point of realizing that she is marry-able.
The problem- Datable women can become Marryable women. Marryable women CANNOT become dateable women. If a woman who will make the ideal wife tries to be that girl who is good for a fun night with.. she loses her automatic marryable qualities. Yes, she will still get married... but she becomes less obviously the good wife and mother that most every good man longs for.
I have decided that I am not dateable. In a way, this is a good thing... but in a sense it is also bad. It leaves me to sit around until some guy-mature enough to know what he wants- realizes that a woman who will treat him right sits right before him. It doesn't really depress me... but I sorta think I miss out on the fun of dating. Just casually dating. I don't mean kissing tons of boys and having the pick of the crop (although it's not like that wouldn't be a litte fun)... I just mean being that girl who doesn't have to sit around and WAIT... but also isn't the girl who has to go out and search. She is just dateable.
Hmm.. I think this post did not come across the way I had hoped... but it is an interesting spewing of thoughts, so I will not change it. Comments? Questions?
Flirting - Post #2
Miss Piggy -
Let's face it... a bat of her eye and a little bit of whining, and the pig could get whatever she wanted. Not that I think flirting should be used in such an unfair manner... but it certainly is a kinda of flirting. Don't ya think?
I would like a few guy perspectives on this. Is there a type of flirting that girls do that you find MOST cute. Hook us up with the info!
Flirting -- Instinct or Artform?
I think it is safe to say that not everyone flirts in the same manner. Some people are REALLY good at at, some people are TOO good at it, and some people don't understand the concept AT ALL. So this brings us to the question of whether flirting is an instinct or a learned behavior?
I'm sure that some instinct is involved. For example, my natural tendencies toward flirting are the shy, bat-my-eyes, giggle a lot actions because I'm too nervous to do anything else. But, many flirting techniques are NOT instinctual, and I would contend that most are learned by observing others.
Rarely do we learn to flirt from our parents, but I think TV and older siblings give us some clue of how to go about it. This is the first of a set of blogs that cover how certain role models or easily viewable characters teach us flirting techniques.
One of my favorites is Jasmine in Aladdin. We'll call her move "the finding-a-reason-to-touch-you" move. The characteristic flirting move that she illustrate occurs just as she and Aladdin are watching the fireworks over Egypt after their carpet ride. Aladdin says something about how it's weird that he hangs out with commoners, and Jasmine says "not THAT weird" and sorta nudges into him and smiles. This was one of the first blatant yet innocent flirting moves that I used on my first boyfriend before we ever dated. It worked like a charm!
Like I said, this is the first of a few posts on this subject... but I'd love your comments and observations about other GREAT flirters of our society.
The Red Zone
Back in the early days of college, a few friends and I came across a concept that we began to introduce to the world. (Actually, I'm not sure if we came up with it or heard about it... but since I can't attribute it to anyone specifically and I'm not sure if it was my own, I just am not gonna worry about where it came from). This concept is known as THE RED ZONE... and it is a concept that you should familiarize yourself with (especially if you plan on making the first move on someone in the near future.)
What is "The Red Zone?"
The red zone is a combination of the space between and the position taken of a guy's hand a girl's hand when there is a potential attraction between the two people. The Red Zone can be used as a tool to determine if someone is trying to hold your hand or to determine if they want you to try and hold theirs.
Most often this concept can be observed with couples in the following situations (this is not an all-inclusive list): 2 people on a couch watching television or a movie, a couple on a very early date or group date in a movie theatre, a couple or potential couple across from eachother at a restaurant table, 2 people walking next to eachother at a mall, zoo, park or other date-friendly place, etc.
How to determine if you are experiencing Red Zone Action:
When sitting near or next to a person that you have been flirting with lots lately, you may notice his or her hand resting in a not-so-normal position. For example, many guys will sit with one hand lying on each knee. If the hand CLOSEST to the girl is palm up.. this is FREQUENTLY a big sign that he wants to hold the girl's hand. It is DEFINITE red zone action. Other forms of red zone include finding ways to brush his hand against hers (accidentally??... or seemingly), sitting with hand outstretched laying on dinner table... with significant other across the way, or any other manners that leave 2 hands within inches of eachother for no apparent reason (especially when a comfortable sitting position can be ruled out). Please note that either guy, girl, or both can initiate RED ZONE.
You will notice that you have probably experienced this phenomenon in many situations when considering a relationship or hookup. If you cannot recall such an incident, then I encourage you to think harder or observe more as situations arrive.
Be Warned: Red zone signs CAN be misread. Every now and then people actually do find it comfortable to just have their hands lying in the zone. Although this is not a usual occurence in most circumstances, be forewarned that if you have never flirted or considered flirting with the person red zoning with you, then it's likely you have misconstrued their hand position and they really are one of those strange people that just sit like that.
You say Potato, I say Potato
Well... that just doesn't sound the same in writing. :)
After much feedback from my last post, I feel a bit worried that I cannot create such a debate again. And thus, I will not try tonight. It is late.. and the creative juices are no longer flowing to my brain in such a manner to allow a blog of thoughtful or at least entertaining stuff. So let me just say this. I appreciate your comments and your feedback with theories and things that I post, but as is often the case with my thoughts... they most frequently do not hold true from day to day.
Oh yeah.. quick update on the Guy A/Girl A thing. Guy A seems to be a very flirty individual. Girl A is now wondering if there is a way to tell if Guy A's flirting is somehow different towards Girl A. Girl A's roommate would contend that it was... but perhaps Girl A's roommate just doesn't want Girl A to freak out anymore. What nice friends Girl A has!!!
DECODING THE UNCODED
Men aren't complicated. They don't speak in terms beyond our understanding. They don't hide their feelings. They don't really even think about them all that much. Then why is it that we women must analyze and tear down each sentence they say to find the DEEPER meaning?
And we can't help it. No matter how much we try to convince ourselves that it meant nothing... it means something. Let's take the most recent example I can recollect: Guy A is talking to Girl A about the positive things she has in her life. One of the only things she is missing, says Guy A, is a boyfriend.
Girl A automatically assumes that Guy A must have said such a thing to make sure that she really didn't have a boyfriend. Perhaps, she thinks, all this flirting she has been doing with Guy A is paying off and he is just confirming that he could ask her out if he wanted by nonchalantly checking to make sure she isn't currently dating anyone (aka Guy B) :).
But Guy A probably meant nothing by said statement. He was probably just making your everyday average conversation. He made an observation, nothing more, nothing less. Guy A probably also has no clue that Girl A took said comment as an interesting sign that he might like her.
In sum... we, as women, MUST stop decoding the uncoded. Men are simple. Their minds do NOT work like ours. Stop putting meaning into each thing they say. And men, please realize... you don't know how much the little things you say mean to us. This can be used to your advantage once you learn how to wield this weapon.
a theory by Kristi
In observation and experience of the world of coupledom, I have developed a theory of why certain people date certain other people.
The Strata is a theory of general societal attractiveness. It is based mostly on superficial qualities. Basically, a person is most likely to date another person IF and ONLY IF that second person fits in the first's same general attractiveness level. This theory is not black and white or unnegotiable, but it can be seen most obviously in examples of EXTREME cases. Rarely do you see a tall lean cleancut man dating an overweight, less-than tidy woman. In the same way, a supermodel woman with long flowing blonde hair will in most cases not be seen dating a greasy-haired, big-glasses scrawny man.
The Strata can actually be seen in much more subtle terms as well. You often see "intelligent" looking people together, "athletic" people together, "chubby" people together, and "alternative" people together. Some would say that this is based on those people's personalities... which is perhaps the case. But I think overall, people, especially women feel much more comfortable approaching men that do not look too far out of their strata. Men, on the other hand, tend to go after women in much higher strata.. and then they develop the "good guys finish last" complex. (Which believe me, I will most certainly have a commentary on in the near future).
Okay that's the basics of the strata. Many people will argue with this theory, but most research you can do will pretty much confirm it. There are few exceptions to the rule. My disclaimer: Just because I think my theory is true does not mean I think it is right.
The HUM DRUMS are over. And Friday has arrived!!!! Let's talk about beer.
Beer is interesting. Most people dont' really LIKE it at first taste.. and yet, it seems like you sorta get to a point in your adult life (or college life) (or teen life) (or, unfortunately, these days PRE teen life), when beer just sorta sounds yummy. I haven't the foggiest idea why something that looks like urine and is bitter and kinda bloating, should ever seem yummy. But it just does. And so I'm jumping on the "beer-ain't-so-bad-afterall" bandwagon and attending the Beerfest thing in Wichita tomorrow.
For someone who generally abhors seeing people drunk, this will be an interesting experience for me I do believe. But we'll see how it goes.
Well, prepare yourself, people.. this one ain't so delightful at ALL. Have you ever had a day when you just went to punch everyone and then just go home and shut the door and turn off all media and get away from the stupid world and the stupid people and the stupid problems for a few hours? That is how my morning seems to be going. I cannot figure out this silly nwe computer program at work... which I don't care much to figure out anyways... plus a bunch of other stupid stuff is going down that I don't want to deal with. Mostly.. all I want to do.. is go home and spend a few days with my parents. Good ole Ken and Mare would cheer me up, no doubt. They're awesome.
I have a crush. And I think crushes are dumb. Why? Because.. at least for me.. they make me all getty and silly and girly. I seem to lose half of my intelligence when I'm around that unbelievably adorable someone. Nevertheless, I do smile more (yes, that IS possible). And I quite enjoy my daydreams when I'm crushing.
And yet I have one other complaint. When does a crush ever turn into anything? I'm pretty sure they don't. For some reason, you can't like someone if you want them to like you. Or else you both have to like eachother at like the exact same time and very rarely can one person pine for longer than the other. So I think relationships are all about timing. If only when knew when those times were coming, maybe we'd have a little more control over our love lifes.. yes?
Sooo... have you ever noticed that if you read about yawning, then it's really hard NOT to yawn. I mean let's take an example: I yawned this morning. Did you yawn this morning? Don't you have that little tickle in your throat right now saying, "do it... do it... you KNOW you want to yawn."? :) Sweet. Did you ever hear that old line about how you can tell if someone is watching you by yawning (cuz they'll yawn, too).
Welcome to my blogspot. For those of you who know me, you probably understand the title of this page. I'm sorta in a transition in my life... and I'm not sure where it's gonna lead. I'm not to stressed about it.. thus it's semi-delightful. I don't know what I will make of this page, but I hope it can be some form of entertainment for all who encounter it. :) Peace!